As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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