JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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