Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
