is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
