ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
