and next time when you feel me up, do it right
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize