she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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