i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
