i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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