I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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