My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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