hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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