you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
