i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Fuck appropriateness.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My liver is preforming stress tests.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
