In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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