It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
