I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
