yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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