More tranny stories later!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
