dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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