My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
