Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
