thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
