Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
