matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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