I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
