Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
