he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
