My brain says no but my pants say off.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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