I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
