He is an equal opportunity slut.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
