So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
