I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
