you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
