Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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