oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
