I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i came on her dog
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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