i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
