You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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