Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
