his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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