ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
