i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
