fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
