i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
