The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My vagina just clenched in fear
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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