Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
