theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
