Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
