I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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