She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
