walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
third nipple confirmed
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
