how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
