Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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