just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
