So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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