i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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