I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
