If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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