hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
