"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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