You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
