tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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