I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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