we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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