I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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