I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
